Friday, November 21, 2014

Anacaonda Needs to Die in a Fire. And Take "I'M TELLING!" with it.

The other day I actually made the following statement: "I would rather you say the word shit or constantly sing Anaconda than to EVER hear the words "I'm telling!" come out of your mouth."

Welcome to parenting elementary aged kids!

The list of words and phrases I've had to ban from the mouths of my children really does amaze me. 

This is currently hanging in my kitchen:

And I'm like "when did I become the mom of kids who say buttface?!?" I mean, really. How did those precious babies transform into occasionally smelly children who call each other things like "buttnugget?" (Seriously, actual insult that I believe first came out of the mouth of my beautiful daughter.) School and being around other kids has opened up the vocabularies of my children and that's not always a good thing. It's mostly a downright annoying thing ("I'm telling!" is the best example) but also -- who wants the "shut up, Stupid!" kid in their house? NOT ME. 

I've also introduced the "consequences bucket." Not pictured because it's ugly. But it's a little bucket full o' punishments. They pull one out if they get busted using one of the forbidden words/ phrases. The punishments are chores, losing privileges, time outs, writing sentences, even writing letters to family members. 

Let's see if it actually works. 

Cause if I have to hear "My anaconda don't ... My anaconda don't ..." one.more.time ...

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Thursday Things

1) It snowed AGAIN Sunday night/ Monday morning.

I know that's not much but . . . NOVEMBER. 

2) The Memphis Grizzlies are kinda on fire right now. Best record in the NBA, best start they've ever had. The other night someone tweeted Justin Timberlake accusing him of being a bandwagon fan. Ummm. JT is an owner. And a Memphis boy. And I love him.


Must get one of these now:

3) I won't have my children for most of Thanksgiving weekend (though they will be with me for half of turkey day.) I've been asked if this bothers me -- not having them for a majority of the holiday. Um, no. If it was Christmas then that would be a different story. But, as it is, can't wait!

4) Speaking of Thanksgiving,my daughter's list of what she's thankful for (in order of how she told me):
Katy Perry

HELLO?  Katy Perry BEFORE me?

5) Said precious daughter is a huge fan of Shake it Off (don't tell Katy Perry!) so I downloaded the entire 1989 album. I HATED THE WHOLE DAMN THING. Does that make me old? I mean, I'm not a Taylor hater and even claim to like several of her songs. But that album game me The Rage. 

6) 90% sure I'm putting up my Christmas decorations this weekend. I KNOW. I'm one of THOSE. But the kids won't be here the following weekend and we're (probably) leaving on Christmas Day until after the new year. So I want to be able to enjoy the decor just a little bit. 

7) Arkansas needs to win one more game for bowl eligibility. I'd just like to point out that I stared weeks ago that they would beat Ole Miss. They play then this week. Let's hope they're not on an LSU-win high and go in and take care of business (and maybe make it to the Texas Bowl to play Texas, ohpleaseohpleaseohplease.)

8) I found cranbrrritas -- tall boys and 12-packs -- in Memphis a couple weeks ago but now they are NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. What's going on? 

9) I let my boys watch Dumb and Dumber the other night. They loved it and the other morning they had the following conversation:

K: "I hate my hair! I look like Justin Beiber!" (Side note: wtf? No.)
J: "No you don't! You look like Harry!"

I mean, that resemblance. Uncanny. 

10) Yup. 

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Halfway Point

Today is my cousin Paul's birthday. He and I are exactly, to the day, a year and a half apart in age. When we were younger, we thought this was really cool. Now the only thing cool about it is the fact that he's older than me.

Because, you see, when November 19th rolls around I'm reminded that it's exactly six months until my birthday. And this year that means I'm on the downhill slide to 35. 



Six months from today I'll be celebrating my 35th birthday. 


Please don't get me wrong -- for the most part, I love being in my 30's. I'm more comfortable in my own skin. I'm more confident in the person I am. I'm cool with being me -- a trait I can't claim to have possessed ten years ago. So being in my 30's is cool and all. Except. 


I have wrinkles and the occasional gray hair. The guys - men (!!!) - I date have lines around their eyes, sometimes receding hairlines. I mean, I have, like, kids and stuff! Little people who depend on me. That's some grown folks shit!

And I still just can't believe it's me on the brink of thirty-effing-five. 

Wine and cupcakes for dinner tonight!

Monday, November 17, 2014

In the South, it's a Religion

Kim Kardashian's greasy donut looking ass did not break the Internet last week. But Arkansas Razorback fans very well could've broken social media Saturday night. The Hogs secured their first SEC win under Bret Bielema (in seventeen games, since October of 2012) and did so by shutting out LSU.

Not only was it a big deal because FINALLY! A WIN! Not only was it a big deal because of so many near wins and shoulda couldas this season. It was a big deal because ... it was LSU! A rivalry game! The Battle of the Boot!

My Facebook feed BLEW UP with excited Hog fans. Lots of #wps, #neveryield, #bringbacktheboot, and fun memes. 

(I have no idea who this guy is but he wins Twitter)

It was a DAMN GOOD WEEKEND to be a Razorback. 

I have friends all over the country and, to so many of them, it's amazing how worked up we in the south get over college football. And we do. It really IS a religion around these parts. Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama ... none of those states have an NFL team. If you grew up in Arkansas, your NFL team was probably the Cowboys but you pledged your true allegiance to college football and, by virtue of being born in God's country, the Razorbacks. Plus, let's be real, college ball happens before money has entered the picture (let's not talk Reggie Bush ... Cam Newton ... ) and the boys play with more heart and passion. And it's just really amazing to watch. 

It's Monday morning now and still feels good to be a Razorback!

Friday, November 14, 2014

We All Gon' DIE!

It snowed in the mid-south yesterday morning. When I say "it snowed" this is what I'm talking about:

The entire tri-state area freaked the f-word out. 

My Facebook feed was full of "OMGSNOW!!!1!" pics. I still haven't decided if those posts are more or less annoying than the Chicago and Michigan transplants making fun of the native southerners. 

My own kid actually asked if he had to go to school. "But it SNOWED! There's no school when it snows!"

Both bridges into Arkansas shut down. Seriously. There were wrecks all over the place. 

The local news even had continuous coverage. Continuous coverage.

I mean ... 

I'm almost firmly in the camp of all the poke-fun-of-the-southerners yankee transplants.

Also, it's only November. This winter is gonna suuuuck

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Thursday Things

1) November is such an asshole. It's COLD here. Like, coats and gloves and winter hats and I NEED SPIKED HOT CHOCOLATE cold. Over it. And it's only November.

2) I watched the movie The Guardian the other night. It's a few years old but was my first time watching. Good movie and I'm digging this quote from the character Maggie:

I got a few wrinkles here and there, but I've layed under thousands of skies with sunny days. I look and feel this way, well cuz I drank and I smoked. I lived and I loved, danced, sang, sweat and screwed my way thorough a pretty damn good life if you ask me. 
I'm going to try to embrace that sort of attitude every time I find a new wrinkle or gray hair.  They're signs of a fun life! 
3) Other little girls sing "Let It Go." What does my little girl sing? "Nationwide is on your side!"
4) Arkansas still does not have an SEC win under Bret Bielema. We play LSU this weekend. Good a time as any, amiright?

5) Every single one of these is true. 

6) Can we talk about Veteran's Day? I mean no disrespect when I say this: I'm incredibly, incredibly thankful for anyone who has ever made the sacrifice to serve and protect our country. But, damn, my favorite thing about Veteran's Day was all those men in uniform pictures on Facebook. God bless America, God bless us 
Especially those black and white WWII era pictures. *Fans self*

7) I can't believe we're only two weeks from Thanksgiving. I'm not ready for the holidays. I'm not talking ready as in purchasing gifts and all that (though I haven't bought a single thing.) I mean I'm not ready as in I feel like it should be the 4th of July. 

8) I know everyone loves Starbucks and gets excited for their red cups and seasonal drinks. My seasonal favorite, though? It's from McDonald's. The white chocolate mocha is my jaaaaam and its back. Tis the season to get fat, y'all!
9) Made these after dinner last night. They were pretty much the bomb(dot)com. I think next time I'll chop the apples but they were still super good. 

10) This made me laugh way too loud for way too long. 

And, I mean, yeah. I totally know who. 

Monday, November 10, 2014

Let's Dial Back to Saturday.

There are weekends when my children drive me so completely crazy that I can't wait for Monday to roll around so we can all get back on our schedule. This was not one of those weekends. This weekend ... it was pretty awesome.

Friday night I saw the movie The Judge. I understand that "grown folks" movies aren't a big deal to a lot of people but, to me, the opportunity to go to a movie that is not animated and does not include poop jokes? That's huge. So, not only did I go to a grown folks movie Friday night, but I also saw Gone Girl a few weeks ago. TWO non-kiddie movies IN THE THEATER this year. That's unheard of!

So. The Judge. 
It was a GREAT movie. 

Robert Downey Jr. is an amazing actor and this movie was no exception. He was awesome in it. The plot line was interesting. There were a few questions left unanswered but, over all, I left the theater pleased with the movie selection. If you get the chance, go see it. 

The weather has turned off cooler here and Kendra invited us over to her place for a weenie/ marshmallow roast Saturday night. 

Seriously, is there anything better than sitting around a fire on a crisp, cool night? With a cranbrrrita?

They were telling spooky stories!
Since the stupid time change, it's dark by 5:30 and we're all tired by 7:00. ("What? It's only 7:00? It's pitch dark!") We started our weenie roast early-ish therefore we finished early-ish and were home in time to watch the Alabama/ LSU game (Useless LSU.)

When Sunday rolled around, I was actually able to have a completely kid-free breakfast. Like, I went to a restaurant  and didn't have to order a damn thing off the kids menu. It was magical. I'm pretty sure there were angels singing. No lie: Kendra and I pretty much never get to do things like that with ZERO kids so just having a meal - even if it didn't include bloody Mary's - and adult conversation was pretty awesome. 

You don't always have to go, go, go and do, do, do to not want your weekend to end. Sometimes just a few smaller things can make things really great.

And also?

The Hogs didn't lose this weekend!
(Shhhh! No mentioning that they didn't play, mmkay?)
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