Thursday, March 26, 2015

Thursday Things

1) March Madness.

I didn't do a bracket and, if I had, it would be busted all to hell (Baylor losing to Georgia State?  Arkansas not making it to the Sweet 16?)

That said, my pick to win the whole thing is Wisconsin.  Kind of pains me to say that because I told my brother Kentucky would go all the way and win the whole thing but I really only said it to piss him off.  I mean, I live in Memphis.  John Calipari is a bad word here.  Picking his team to win?  Blasphemy!  So, yeah, I'm thinking it will be Wisconsin.

Also.  Wichita State will make it to the Final Four.

2) The weather was supposed to be gorgeous and 70 degrees on Saturday. So we loaded up and headed to the zoo. 

It ended up being, like, 60 degrees and cloudy and I froze because I wore capris and flip flops. 

But, I mean, THE ZOO. We had fun. 

3) The weather was gross Sunday but has since completely redeemed itself. We've been spending evenings outside, soaking up as much springtime as we can. 


4) The other day, Kyan came to me and said, "Jaidan said chimichangas are titties!"

I died laughing.

Then reminded J we don't use the word "titties."

Then died laughing again. 

5) Karis quote: "It's almost my birthday! I'm going to blow out candles and open my present. And it will be a puppy named Gaston. And I'll go buy him Blue Triangle (Blue Diamond) pet food!"

Good chance she'll be disappointed with her princess dolls ...

6) A couple weeks ago, Kendra brought me a shit ton of cookies from her job. Last week? These:



Holy 150 calories in THREE chips!

7) I've written about it before but I've started doing a huge majority of my grocery shopping at Aldi. I LOVE Aldi! It's cheaper and they have some great specialty items. Their veggie chips are amaze. 

8) I let J pick the radio station for a majority of our trip last week. Which means we ended up listening to a ton of Hits One. I'm tired of pretty much every song on that station. Excluding this one:  

I LOVE Ed Sheeran!

9) Speaking of love ... My mom shared this with me yesterday.

10) This is me exactly. 

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Wait. What?

So, I'm not going to even TRY TO or BEGIN to lie.

I kinda love Buzzfeed.

By kinda, I mean really. 

And, yes, I am 34-years-old.

It's, like, the ultimate time suck.  Whether you're at home or at work or at the gym or just need something to browse on your phone to pass the time.  Those quizzes, mayne!

Okay, now that we've covered that I'll tell you that I rarely check the stats of my blog.  I just don't.  I don't care that much.  *Insert "I write for me!" line*  But, yeah, it's like a once every three months thing that I decided to check my stats and see what draws people to my blog and my most popular posts (totally a post coming about that soon.) (Maybe.)

ANYWAY.  A few nights ago, I'd had a couplefew shots of vodka and decided to do some blogging and, inevitably, checked out my stats.  I noticed some traffic from Buzzfeed.  Like it was a referring website.  So I decided to google for myself and stumbled across this article which included this:

A JOKE ABOUT DRUG USE AND OREO COOOKIES, something random I found on Instagram, was linked back to this blog post.

I knew my love for Oreo cookies would work out for something other than gaining fifty hundred pounds!

So, yeah, in the grand scheme of things it's nothing I can add to my resume but it was a total "wait, what?!?" moment to find my blog credited on Buzzfeed.

And, no lie, it was kinda awesome.  Even after the vodka shots have worn off.

So, hey, Dave Stopera!  If you're reading this HIT ME UP, BRO.  I have so many so much better "pictures that hit a little close to home" saved on my camera roll we could collaborate on, mmkay?  I'll even forgive you for linking my blog on a picture that alludes to drug use.

(P.S. I would feel much cooler and much more "I HARDLY EVAH CHECK MY STATS" if I had found this, like, six months after the article was published.  But, alas . . . )

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Insert Branch Davidian Joke Here

A couple weeks ago, I went to Facebook and asked:

If I were to head to Waco for Spring Break, what are some cheap and free things I could with an 8-year-old?
Of course, some smart ass had to chime in with "join a cult!" which made me realize ... the David Koresh thing went down in 1993. More than twenty years ago. To put that in perspective: most current college students were not even alive when the Branch Davidian jokes were making the rounds. We're old, my friends!

J and I declined to join a cult while we were in Waco but we did take up a couple other Facebook suggestions. 

We started the day at the Mayborn Center.

The traveling exhibit was Magic Schoolbus related and, I mean, HELLO. Had to check it out. 

J thought he was a little old for it and was feeling kinda down (on the other hand, I was all: MISS FIZZLE!!!!). Until we hit the rest of the museum. 

He LOVED it. Loved. 

Some stuff is more "little kid" than others but there was PLENTY for a too-cool-for-school boy to get excited about. 

I'd actually been to the Mayborn Center well over a decade ago and certain things came back to me as I walked through it. It was way more fun to experience it with my own kid though!

I let J pick where we ate lunch. 

Now. I wanted George's. I wanted a Big O an I didn't want fast food. The boy, however, wanted him a Whataburger and who am I to say no to that?!?

It wasn't George's but it was super good. And that particular Whataburger was in an area that brought back a lot of memories. "My dad and I used to eat here a lot ... I went to this Fazoli's with my boyfriend all the time ... We went to that McAllister's a lot too!"

Following our lunch, we hit up the Texas Sports Hall of Fame. We were the only people in there! Literally had the place to ourselves!

Aaaaaaand check out what we saw! At the TEXAS sports hall of fame!


They had a sports simulator that J absolutely loved and that's where we spent most of our time. 

Fun stuff. 

After the museum, we visited my dad at the cemetery then went to the Baylor campus. 

You want to know how to feel old?

Enter your mid-30's. Have spawn. Take said spawn to institute of higher learning where everyone is, on average, 15 years younger than you. 


We were staying at my brother's house and, on the way back, I stopped to introduce J to some Bush's Chicken and, more particularly, their sweet tea. 

A big reason I wanted to visit central Texas in the spring was due to the possibility of seeing BLUEBONNETS. Hands down, my favorite thing about Texas is bluebonnets in the spring. They're gorgeous. 

We were warned we probably wouldn't see any because of the rough winter. Buuuuut. Right across from my brother's house .... 

(That "Cutie!  Imma keep you!" is my nephew, whom I like to refer to as Big Mike)


(Yes, I'm linking to a Google image search and I'm not even sorry for it.  Bluebonnets are amazing.)

These are nothing like what they'll be in a couple weeks in full bloom but, still! I wasn't expecting to see any so the beginnings of a few ... well ... all the heart-eyed emoji. 

We left central Texas the next morning but not before a stop in West for the best kolaches in North America.

Ahhhhh. They did NOT disappoint. So good! If you're ever in West, Texas, get thee ass to The Czech Stop. You won't regret it it. 

And that's a wrap on our spring break travel! 

Monday, March 23, 2015

Won't You Take Me to Funky Town

Having three kids is wonderful. And crazy, chaotic. Amazing. Awesome.  Pick your adjective.

And it also makes things very hard to have one-on-one time with each child. 

However, my Jaybird has been having a bit of a tough time lately and was really needing some one-on-one attention. Spring Break was last week so, on Sunday, he and I loaded up and headed south. Texas bound. 

Our first stop was AT&T stadium since, apparently, I'm raising a little Cowboys fan. My dad would be proud. 

(And not going to lie.  They have D Mac?  GO COWBOYS!)

He was one happy boy. 

Later, we headed to Ft. Worth where we met my cousin Storme for nachos, margaritas, and $2 green beer. 

Then we went back to her place and when going through my pics, I found this:

About right.

(Also, I really don't like Bud Light but DFW convenience stores? Ease up on the price of your beer, yo!)

Monday morning, we got up and headed to the Stockyards to meet my friend Vanessa and her daughter. 

I LOVE THE STOCKYARDS. If you're ever in the DFW area, it's a must. A MUST. 

We had some (10:30 am) margaritas, watched the cattle drive, and then ... WE ATE. 

Vanessa told me about a little hole in the wall called Thurber Mingus that had amazing burgers. Um. YASSSS!  My burger had a poblano pepper on it! And queso Oaxaca! And cilantro mayo! And it was amazing and angels were singing and all was right in my world. 

My beer was good too. (I had the Allergeez) 

After our amazing lunch, we decided to check out the Ft. Worth water gardens

Try and tell me this pic shouldn't be an advertisement!
These babies are NATURALS!

I'm so glad we went because that place was awesome! Just a ton of fountains which is great if you're an 8-year-old. Or, you know, 34 ...

By the way: it was, like, 82 degrees that day. Oh hey there, HEAVEN!

After the water gardens, it was back to the Stockyards for a visit to the candy store and picking up some souvenirs. Then we sat in rush hour traffic on southbound 35 forevahhhhhh. 

All in all ... Great day. Amazing day. Magical day. 

Might even called for a duck face selfie ...

Friday, March 13, 2015

How to Break Up in the 2010's According to Most Girls

A friend of mine mentioned a few days ago that you can almost always tell where a woman's relationship is (i.e. if it's in the crapper) by what she posts on social media.


I mean, occasionally you get the crazy couple (my favorite!) who play out their drama for all to see and you happen to not be busy at work that day and you're all, "OMG, THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!" and you're scared to put your phone down for fear that you'll miss another cheating accusation or him calling her a filthy whore yet again.  And you might even text a friend and be like, "I have a meeting at 10:30 but Sam and Sally are fighting on Facebook again and SCEENSHOTS!"

And then you have the people who never mention anything until suddenly they're tagged in a lovey-dovey pic by someone who isn't their spouse. Everyone is all, "wait, what?" And they're like "yeah, ha ha suckers! The ex and I divorced three years ago!" This is the person I tried to be on Facebook/ Instagram throughout my breakup. Tried to be. There were slip-ups. I can own that. 

Then you have what 99% of females tend to do. 

It goes something like this.

(And, full disclosure, I found several of these memes on my own Pinterest boards because apparently that's where I went to fly my passive aggressive flag in the early stages of the Big D.)

1) Begin posting memes that let everyone know you're incredibly unhappy in your relationship. 

2) Drop hints about what exactly went wrong. 

3) Now is the perfect time for the "I DESERVE BETTER" meme. 

4) Still Facebook friends with your ex? His family? Let everyone know he married up. 

5) Delete or privatize all pictures of your ex. 

(Side note: even if you don't prescribe to this particular school of "most girlsness," do this anyway.  You'll feel a bajillion times better and eighty million pounds lighter.  Promise.)
6) Oh snap! Friend request from that dude you met on Tinder. Better let him know you are OVER your ex. 

7) You're broken. You were hurt. BUT YOU ARE WOMAN, LET'S HEAR YOU ROAR!

8) And you're ready to move on. 

9) And you have PEACE, dammit!

10) And, just in case there were any remaining questions about your relationship status, drop your married name off your profile. We all know no one ever goes through the hassle of going to the social security office and actually changing it but making it Facebook Official is practically just like filing for divorce these days. 

There ya have it. How to Break Up in the 2010's.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Thursday Things

1) Last week, someone posted a link to this article on Facebook.  I don't live in Arkansas anymore but I grew up there so I do take some mild interest in their politics.  Well, that horrifying article led to this one and . . . I just don't.even.know.  It's long, five parts, but very worth the read.  It's horrifying and sad and, the more I think about it, the more I think people need to know what an issue it is.  (If you don't want to click through and read the articles, they both deal with "re-homing" adopted children.)

2) Last week, we had snow and temperatures in the 20's. 
Obligatory snow photo

This week it's in the 60's (with rain but still ... SIXTIES!) This means a couple of things:

A) Everyone in the tri-state area is coughing, sneezing, snotting. 

B) Potholes. Holy potholes. Five winter storms in 2.5 weeks means the roads are a mess and you're swerving all over the place to keep from ruining your car. FUN!

3) Spring Break starts Friday around 4:15. Kids have missed so much school lately that I'm sure excitement is somewhat diminished but oh well. The school system my kids attend adds an additional 15 minutes on to every school day beginning at the first of the year. So by the end of the year, they've accumulated nine extra days. Which means they don't have to lose Spring Break to make up for snow days. Pretty cool way to do it, I suppose. 

4) J and I are leaving Sunday for a little trip to Texas. We'll be couch surfing with family, visiting friends, and just spending some one-on-one time together. 

5) Took the kids to CiCi's for dinner the other night.  They had free coupons from school. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to use all three coupons (they were for free kid buffets!) but they let me. And all four of us were able to all-you-can-eat for less than $10. Um, hello awesome! I'm not the biggest CiCi's fan but for that price ...

Plus, I mean, they have a game room ...

6) Karis has spring pictures at school today. We went the other afternoon to pick her out a dress and shoes. She liked NOTHING that I picked out but finally settled on a dress when I agreed to let her pick out a new bow. Sigh. Also, the bow we picked out cost more than the shoes. Welcome to the south!

7) A couple new things I've tried lately:

I'm not sure how I feel about these. First bite I was all "Ohhh hell naw," but I ate the rest of that one and then ate another one and another and another. J likes them. The K's think they're gross. Full disclosure: J likes everything. 

So these are REALLY REALLY good. Better than the bottled Starbucks, for sure. A four-pack is only $3 at Kroger so a good deal too. Here's the thing though: an 8-ounce bottle is 120 calories. You can get 12-ounces at Dunkin Donuts for the same amount of calories (of course, you're going to pay a little more.) The "skinny" is misleading but they are super good. 

8) We're - what? Five days? - into Daylight Savings Time and the kids and I are all still having a hard time adjusting. Tuesday night was the first time I managed to fall asleep before 11 (I'm a little old lady who is cool with going to bed at 9:30 most nights) but I still managed to hit my alarm FOUR TIMES Wednesday morning. I'm not a snooze-button-pusher. I'm just not. Yet it's been my BFF all week. I love that we have more light at the end of the day. I just hate the adjustment period!

9) I know it's super cliché and all to say it but ... I can't believe it's already March 12th. 2015 is zooming right along. 

10) I love this so much:

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

My Favorite Instagram Accounts

Because I love finding gems like this:

and this:

These are a few of my favorite IG accounts. Advance apologies for f-words. 

Because eye candy in your feed = best thing ever

Feel better about your life.

Scrolling through sarcastic memes and hot guys and BAM! Meal idea! Yes please.

And if you happen to live in or just love Memphis, I'm a fan of these two IG accounts:

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