Tuesday, July 22, 2014


All Sass
I felt awful the other night.  One of those nights where I just wanted to lay in bed and binge on the ID channel and not do anything, not have anyone need me.

Karis cuddled in my bed beside me.  She ran her fingers through my hair.  And she said, "Mommy.  You so pwetty!  You so you-tee-ful, Mommy!"

Four is easily my favorite age for my girl so far. Not because she compliments me. I know she only said that because she hears it from me all.the.time. Four is just ... she's turning into a little girl. She's developing her own little personality all while still wanting to be a whole lot just like her mommy.

It's flattering and humbling and a little scary.

I never wear my hair in a traditional ponytail.  When I pull it up, I tuck the longer hair through and sport a little "poof" type thing (so sorry, so not up on the latest hair trend related words.)  She now wants her hair done just like that a majority of the time.

She wants to wear my clothes and my shoes and when I'm putting on makeup I have to do a cursory swipe over her face.  She doesn't want to leave the house without lip gloss.

She claims she loves iced "copy" (coffee) and insists on sips of Coke Zero because, you know, if Mommy likes it then she's going to like it too.

But she's also ... she's Karis. She has her own district personality and likes and dislikes. And sometimes it can drive me crazy but mostly it just makes me all warm and fuzzy to watch her becoming who she is. To wonder if who she is at four -- nurturing and sweet and always the first to comfort someone -- is a glimpse of the person she'll one day grow up to be. Who knows.

Right now we're just (mostly*) loving the Fours. 

* Mostly because you KNOW the asshole moments abound. Like waking up at 5:15 this morning and poking me in the face until I agrees to turn Spongebob on. 

Monday, July 21, 2014

Here's to the Ice You Float Your Beer In ...

File this one under: weirdest summer weekend ever. Weirdest because this weather, y'all! 
Friday:Okay, so let's talk Friday. The temperature barely got out of the SIXTIES. In Memphis. In July. So not kidding. So still can't believe it. And, yeah, completely changed plans. The kids and I didn't spend the day at Beale Street Landing and didn't spend the evening having a Walker Family Pool Party (in the baby pool, naturally.)

My friend was going to come over Friday evening and I was going to introduce her to Coors Light Summer Brew (it's my summer jaaaam!) She ended up having something come up so my night was me and the Coors Light aaaand ...

Introducing my kids to the movie Big!
Still one of my faves from the 80's. And my boys totally loved it. (And when it got to the part where Josh and Susan kiss, Kyan said "I canNOT watch his." The part where she takes her shirt off? "Ew! Gross! Oh my gawww, he TOUCHED HER BOOB. That is DISGUSTING.") And we've decided we MUST take a trip to NYC so they can play Chopsticks on the giant piano at FAO Schwartz. 

Also. This happened Friday night:

I posted my 2000th Instagram. And it was of beer. Because OF COURSE. Obviously, I had to record it via screenshot for all posterity.

You guysssss. I got to go to a Redbirds game WITHOUT MY KIDS. I know, right? Dinner at Flying Fish before the game and then we got to the park to realize it was a Double Header. Winning! So we got to catch two seven-inning games. (Well, sorta.  We missed the first half of the first game.)  The Redbirds won both, there were a couple home runs, and my friend caught a t-shirt that I took home and J claimed for himself:
Photobomb courtesy of Kyan
Also, the temperature was in the 70's for the game. It was blissful. Perfect baseball weather. And I know I keep harping on it but, seriously, that's just NOT Memphis  in July. I didn't even sweat! At all!  I WENT TO A BALLGAME IN JULY AND THERE WAS NO SWAMP ASS.  Write this down, y'all!

We slept until 10:30. 10:30!! I can't even tell you the last time that happened. So, obviously, I should've known something was up. Karis felt a little feverish and quickly fell back to sleep for a couple more hours. When she woke up, she seemed to be feeling better but I thought it would still be best to Sunday Funday at home. 

Not gonna lie: this is one of my favorite things ever. Just hanging in the backyard -- beer in hand -- on a lazy Sunday. Unfortunately, the flies seem to be enjoying the milder weather (85 yesterday! Mild for July but, like, 20 degrees warmer than Friday) too and drove us inside after about an hour or so. I swear, I fail at summer. 85 and I spent most of it inside clipping coupons?

This picture just says SUMMER.  I mean, water guns and ice cream cone?
Also. K's face?!?
That was our weekend.  Another summer weekend in the books.  The boys start school in . . . ready for this? . . . TWO WEEKS.  I can't even.  Looks like we'll spend the next fourteen days trying  to soak up as much summer fun as possible.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Thursday Things

1) Al Roker reporting in: the weather has been downright unheard of the past couple days. I stepped outside yesterday morning and it felt more like early fall than mid-July. It's nice being able to have my windows down and sunroof open. And I love not having to worry about my face melting off. But what does this mean for winter?!? I'm scurred just thinking about it.

2) I walked at Shelby Farms yesterday evening and saw this on the trail:

He let us get fairly close, never ran away, and actually posed and put on for us.

3) I'm going to Nashville three weeks from today.  I've only been to Nashville once without kids so I'm really looking forward to this trip!  I've been pinning different things to do while I'm there.  And guess what?  There is a CHUY'S in Nash (yeah, yeah it's a chain but I LOVE it and if they can have one 200 miles away in Nashville then they can go right on ahead and bring one to Memphis too.  Ditto Trader Joe's.)

4) My brother and his family stopped by here last week on their way to Texas.  That meant more time for the kids to spend with their cousins.  It's hard to believe that it was just two years ago that Karis didn't want anything to do with B at all.  Those two played and played and played.

5) My boys start school in just a little over two weeks. This summer has gone by so fast! I'm kind of enjoying the fact that this school year, we have no "big deals." Meaning no one is starting kindergarten. Just first and second grades and they already know what to expect. Kyan has expressed a little bit of nervousness but I know once he gets past the first day he'll be fine. 

6) Can we talk about coffee for a minute? Y'all. I really need to attempt to understand the Starbucks fascination so many people have. I mean, I'll have one occasionally (if I'm in Target or it's the only coffee place around.) But I'm a Dunkin devotee. It's just as good and way cheaper (99 cent iced coffee after noon -- holla!) And I recently tried a McDonald's iced sugar free French vanilla. MCDONALDS. It's way cheaper than Starbucks and that shit was delicious. 

7) Love watching the All Star game every year and commercials like this always give me the warm fuzzies:

8) My girl throws a fit every time I try to so much as touch a comb to her hair. The other day, however, she sat so nicely and let her brother (Vidal SaJaidan) brush and play with her hair for a good half hour. Dubs.Tee.Eff. 
The finished product and the stylist
9) Weekend plans: introducing Kendra to the Coors summer brew (that's my jaaaam) and maybe some summer shandy, Redbirds game, and possibly a Sunday Funday: spray park style. 

10) I didn't choose it. It chose me. 

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Of Baseball and Boys

I love baseball. 

I love it because it's baseball and I love it because it's SO American and I love how quintessentially summer it is. There are not many things in the world better than a warm night, a cold beer, and a baseball game. 

Obviously, when I found out I was having boys, I was very excited to introduce them to love of all sports. Baseball included of course. 
This is the first year that J has really been into any kind of sport. And while it seems as though basketball will be his first love, he is enjoying baseball as well. 

And last night he watched - and paid attention to - the All Star game with me for the first time. 


We cheered for Jeter and talked RBI's and snacked on Cracker Jacks. And it was a Moment and something I hope we share for many years to come. Maybe one of these days his brother (and sister!) will want to join us for more than a photo op.  Because, really, introducing your children to things you love . . . it's such a fun thing.

P.S.  This?  Perfection.

Monday, July 14, 2014

The Freakin' Weekend

Alternate Title #1 : A Basic Bitch post with too many words and too few pictures.
Alternate Title #2: THIS is what this chick chooses to blog about?
Alternate Title #3: THANK YA BABY JAYSUS my life is a little more exciting!
Because we're all thinking it, riiiiight??

I've only been in Memphis one or two weekends so far this summer. That's not necessarily a bad thing -- it means I've, like, been at the beach and hanging with out of town friends and just generally having a damn good time. But, still, when I'm in town I like to make the most of Friday through Sunday.

This weekend, though? Total fail.

So, the other day I noticed where someone posted on Facebook about how their FB friends must have amazing kids because they never post about the jackassery said kids participate in (totally paraphrased.) It's #realtalk and one thing that annoys me about social media. I cannot get behind this "nevuh evuh talk online about your kids' bad behavior because THE INTERNET IS FOREVER and one day they might grow up to read it and BE EMBARRASSED." Bitch, please. I was a kid when the internet was just a twinkle in Al Gore's eye and I - and several relatives, friends, casual acquaintances, and strangers at the grocery store - know about the assholery I participated in. Why? BECAUSE PARENTS HAVE TOLD STORIES ON THEIR KIDS SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME. They just didn't have the internet around in those days to commiserate with other breeders going through the Asshole Years (TM) with their kids. Also? Everyone already done KNOWS kids are assholes. It's not a news flash to share on some form of social media that your 6-year-old told you he hopes every beer you drink for the rest of your life tastes like a cat peed in it. 

Aaaaand holy tangent, Batman!

All of that was said to preface this: I had every intention on taking my children to the new Beale Street Landing on Friday. They have a playground and splash pad that I knew would be fun for the kids and I just wanted to check it out. Then. Friday morning rolled around and one of my boy children woke up in the Worst Mood Ever. Before 7 a.m., we had doors slammed and a waffle thrown across a room and an "I didn't even DO anything! You're the meanest mom ever! I hope I was adopted and one day I can find my REAL MOM!" No way was I treating that asshole to a day of new things and spray parks. Nuh uh, no way, take your stinky butt back to bed and enjoy being grounded for the rest of the weekend, Homeslice. 

By the time Friday night rolled around I was ready for a drink or six and headed to the Flying Saucer -- the Saucer and drinks were the ONLY thing I had planned all weekend that actually happened. The Saucer is a chain and they have something like 15 or so locations in the south. It's also one of only, like, three bars in my neck of the 'burbs. Anyway. Their specialty is beer and I decided to try their spotlight beer that night. It was Yazoo, something brewed in Nashville, and the waitress described it as being very Blue Moon-ish (wheat beer with citrus undertones.) I gave it a try then switched to Blue Moon. It was meh at best but I also enjoy feeling like I'm part of the #omglocal movement so I patted myself on the back for trying a Tennessee beer. 


I had plans to go out. Got ready, looked all cute, and left the house. It didn't take me long to notice I left the house like this:

Yeah. I'd messed up a nail earlier in the evening and forgot to redo it. Awesome. I went to Kendra's house to borrow some nail polish (a close enough color match!) and have a beer. 

And ended up not leaving. And having a few more beers. 

It had been a good month since we had really hung out so it was nice to catch up but really? If I'd known I was going to spend the evening at her house, I wouldn't have gone through the trouble of wearing a shirt that required a strapless bra. 

We were tipsy and decided we both wanted to lose weight. I told her about my new diet (which basically centers around only drinking alcohol that other people buy for me because I tend to participate in "Asshole Eating" when I drink.)  Of course, dieting is always easier said than done:

"Take a shot instead!" I'm sure that's some Jillian Michaels level dieting advice right there. 

So I didn't go out Saturday. And I ended the night ... FaceTiming with my friend's dog??

Sometimes I can't get over the excitement that is my life. 

I planned to take the kids to Splash + Splatter at Shelby Farms on Sunday. But then Sunday rolled around and I decided to trade in my Mother of the Year award for laying around and binge-watching the ID channel. Also. It was really hot and I knew the Shelby Farms thing would be super crowded and my boys were being wild and excuse, excuse, excuse

The day wasn't a complete and total fail though. After enough 48 Hours, Happily Never After, and Handsome Devils to reconfirm my decision to never marry again, I filled up the kiddie pool. The kids splashed and ate Popsicles, I pinned stuff I'll never make and failed my "diet" by sipping skinny rita's made with tequila I had purchased.  DIET FAIL (but totest magoats worth it!)

Even THAT little bit of summer weekend fun was almost ruined when I realized I misplaced one of the plugs the last time I emptied the pool. I did what any good redneck would do, though, and indulged in a little southern engineering. 

I mean, it wasn't duct tape but it worked ...  And, y'all?  My PawPaw would be so proud.

P.S.  The most annoying side effect of having something that (occasionally) resembles a social life is the rush to blog about your OMGWEEKEND every Monday. Even when said weekend was supah lame ... I'm just sayin'.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Thursday Things

1) Ah, Memphis. A couple weeks ago, the city council voted to drastically cut benefits to city employees. A FB friend of mine is the wife of a police officer and she posted that the benefit cut is going to cost families more than $1K per month. I also read where retired officers receive a pension of $2,000 per month and are now being expected to pay insurance premiums of around $1,600.  Families of fallen officers are also hugely affected.  Obviously, I can understand them very upset, worried, and mad as hell. The benefit cut has prompted a "Blue Flu" with 550+ officers calling in sick as a form of protest. Which, you know, doesn't exactly make ME sleep any easier at night. Hashtag becauseMEMPHIS.

2) So what IS the city spending money on? Fancy new recycling bins! While I'm appreciative that I have a larger bin AND it has a lid so my neighbors can't see how much wine I drink ... come on. The fact that they're being delivered the same time as the benefit cut and "Blue Flu" is just a nuh-uh. I'd rather keep my dinky little recycling bin and feel safe. 

3) My daughter has reached the age where she's naming her Barbies and baby dolls. Her favorite baby has been christened "Karis Ann," and she named a Barbie "Kierra," after Brittney's daughter. Kinda love it.  And by "kinda," I mean "totally."

4) I've been eating ALL THE THINGS and not working out and drinking too much beer and now ... yup, it's all fun and games until your pants don't fit. I'm going to Nashville in a month and in the meantime I'm buckling down and not eating like an asshole. I'm hoping I can lose five pounds before that trip then another five by Labor Day. That'll put me back at me pre-food baby weight. 

5) My children were introduced to one of my favorite movies of all time over the weekend ... The Sandlot. They LOVED it. Which, obvs, made my happy. But ever since I've heard "for-EV-er" and "you mix your wheaties with your mama's toe jam!" and "YOU PLAY BALL LIKE A GIRL!" a bajillion and twenty times. They're killing me, Smalls!

6) Everyone should read this article about food stamps.  Seriously.  Read it.

7) Saw this in Indiana over the weekend:

  8) I could never make it as a pioneer. 

We had a huge storm the other night that knocked power out for something like FIVE HOURS (I'm not sure exactly how long it was out because I went to sleep but from what my clock was blinking when I woke up, I think it was five hours.) So that meant five hours with no air conditioning or fans and, yeah, I thought I was going to die and tossed and turned before I was FINALLY able to go to sleep. And I was in the middle of a movie when the power went out. And I had no wifi since that's powered by electricity as well. Much first world problem. No could make it in the old days. 

9) My brother and his family are moving to Texas (I'm totally jealous!)  They're stopping here on their way through which means two things: 1) more nephew snuggles and 2) I've officially seen my brother more in the past three months than in the previous two years combined.  Cray cray.

10) For real doh:

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Owensboro, Kentucky

Don't ask me why because I don't know but, for some reason, my kid thought he HAD to go to Kentucky while were in the southern Indiana area. I had planned on driving home through Kentucky but Brittney suggested we check out the town of Owensboro - and more specifically their riverfront - on Sunday. I'm so glad she suggested it because it was SO NEAT. 

We got things started by eating at a place called Fetta. They sold pizza by the pie or slice and had these super yummy jalapeƱo garlic knots. Sure cheap, too. The kids and I all ate for just over $20! (Of course I only drank water because they don't sell beer until after 1:00 on Sundays in Kentucky.)

I had the Smothers Park meat special and it was mmm mmm good. 

Quite possibly my favorite thing about the riverfront was that rather than benches they had swings where you could sit and enjoy the view. LOVE!

There was a huge playground and a splash pad for the kids. 


My kids LOVED it. More towns need places like this! What a treasure to that town.

We capped our time in Owensboro with a visit to Cold Stone and The Cup Cakery

That, my friends, is an almond joy cupcake. It was pretty damn good. 

If you're ever in southern Indiana or Illinois or western Kentucky, then definitely check out Owensboro. I can't wait to go back. Preferably without my kids! 

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