I've probably got something like eighty versions of this post in my drafts folder. I just don't know how to write it or even if I want to publish it.
When I first started this blog, back in 2009, it was mainly because I was slightly obsessed with digital scrapbooking. I wanted to join a few Creative Teams (to get free stuff to feed my addiction!) and most of those teams asked that you blog about their kits and show off the layouts you made with them. Most of my early blog posts look something like this:
I probably haven't completed a digital scrapbook page in at least five years now. And, obviously, that's not the only thing that's changed about my life. In the years since starting this blog, I've moved to Memphis, had another baby, lost my grandfather, ended my marriage. And those are just the big things. Thousands of little things have happened over that time span. Life is different than I ever would've imagined when I began this blog back in March of 2009.
And lately that's left me thinking . . . what do I do with this blog? I've never written with the aim of wanting sponsorships or ads or making a living off writing about my life (I would LOVE to get paid to write; notsomuch getting paid to write about MY LIFE, not with all the criticism that would come along with!) I've written because . . . because I like to write. Because writing about my life is what I know. Because I love to look back and see entries like this one and remember how when J was in kindergarten, he would wave at me until he walked into the school building and couldn't see me anymore. Because I love to click on a tag that will take me to posts that remind me of fun times on trips and little moments that I might have forgotten. Because I like to talk about food and Memphis and fun things that happen on the weekends. Because I WANT TO REMEMBER!
That's why I write.
But, at the same time, writing about my life means also writing about the people in it.
My children are getting older, my boys to the point where they can tell their own stories.
There are people who were in my life who no longer are, not in the same way: what do I do with the old posts that feature them? Those people are still part of my story even if they're chapters in the past.
There are new people in my life: do I show them in posts?
Am I completely overanalyzing this? (YES.)
Obviously, this would be more of an issue - perhaps an ACTUAL issue - if I had a bigger blog with thousands of readers. But it still makes me think and wonder. I know there are people who read this blog and I have no idea who they are or what they do or what they think. There are people who read this blog whom I don't know personally but have taken then time to get to know via various forms of social media (not going to lie: another reason I love blogging. I LOVE "meeting" people from all over the place.)
I've gone back and forth over whether or not I want to completely privatize this blog and only write for myself. Or do I want to make it open to invited readers? Do nothing at all? That's the chosen route at this point which pretty much makes this entire post moot. I do know that I'll be a little more choosey in what I post. My children could potentially read this some day so I'll never, ever post details about the demise of my marriage (I like to think I wouldn't do that, out of respect for both of us, even if there were no children involved.) I'm choosing, at this point, not to share many details about my new relationship though there's a good chance the boyfriend will be popping up in pictures. I'll still write about my children though not possibly not as much as I did in the past. As I said previously -- they're getting to the ages where they can tell their own stories, where they could potentially be embarrassed by ME choosing which of THEIR stories to tell.
Long story short: someone needs to write a book on the evolution of publicly writing about your life . . . as life moves on.
Long story even shorter: My name is Brandi and I'll analyze the shit out of any and every situation.